[fic]Zelgadis-chan in Wonderland 7/8

[caffeine_buzz]

Title: Zelgadis-chan in Wonderland 7/8
Fandom: Slayers
Rating: K+
Pairings/Warnings: Crossdressing and silliness
Previous Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6

“Order in the court!” Zangulus banged his gavel on the judge’s bench. The court had moved inside, where they were having a trial to determine who had stolen the tarts. Popular sentiment decided that it was either Lina, for obvious reasons, or the Knave of Hearts, since the rhyme said it was him. Zelgadis was pretty much in agreement with both camps, though personally he was hoping that the court would convict the Knave of Hearts. Zel really wanted to see Rezo beheaded, since that would cheer him up nicely.

“Jury, are you ready to hear the case?” Zangulus turned to the jury box. The King of Hearts was wearing a white judge’s wig with his hat on top of it and looked quite ridiculous. The jury box was full of chibi black and gold dragons, talking amongst themselves. The Queen of Hearts was sitting on the King’s lap and blowing in his ear.

“Ready!” the group called out in unison. Zangulus nodded to the Filia rabbit, who was standing beside the judge’s bench. She pulled a scroll out of nowhere and read the first name.

“This court calls Lina to the stand!”

Martina stuck her tongue out at the red-head as the sorceress walked to the witness stand and sat down. The DorAmelia came up to her, pulling a cake platter with her. She held the platter up to Lina.

“Do you swear?” the mouse asked importantly.

“Sure,” Lina replied, placing her hand on the platter and searching for crumbs.

“Lina-san! Swearing is unjust!” The DorAmelia pulled the platter away and began to lecture. “It is the black stain with creeps over our civilization, threatening to suck all the goodness out of our souls! It is the--”

“Shut up already and get on with it!” Martina yelled impatiently.

“Ahem.” The Filia rabbit pushed the DorAmelia aside and turned to Lina. “Lina- san. Where were you three hours ago?”

“Closer than three million miles away and farther than two centimeters away,” Lina replied calmly. Filia and the jury all scribbled this answer down.

“Very good. Did you steal the Queen’s tarts?”

“Am I under oath?” There was a brief recess while the court tried to figure out the answer to this question. When they finally started again, the Filia rabbit replied,

“Yes you are.”

“Then no.”

Zelgadis sighed and fidgeted in his seat. The way this court was going, he’d be stuck in this crazy world forever.

“Do you have any evidence?” the Filia rabbit continued.

“Evidence of what?” Lina asked.

“Um...” The Filia rabbit looked over at Zangulus. “Evidence of what?”

“Hmm?” Zangulus looked up in confusion. Martina was now situated very comfortably in his lap and they had been locked in a passionate kiss.

“The trial, Your Majesties,” the Filia rabbit reminded the two gently.

“Oh that,” said Martina irritably. She waved a hand at Lina. “Off with her head.”

“Hold it!” Lina stood up abruptly. “I haven’t been given due process!”

“Due process of what?” questioned Milgasia from the jury box.

“Due process of whom?” added another chibi dragon.

“Why is the sky green?” put in one more dragon, just to say something. The other members of the jury reminded him that the sky was blue and he promptly withdrew his question.

“We’re going to be here forever, aren’t we?” Zelgadis grumbled to the DorAmelia, who had settled herself in beside him. She immediately put the question to the court, who adjourned again to try and figure out the answer. After a few well-placed fireballs from a certain annoyed chimera, the court began anew with the questioning of Lina.

“Now,” the Filia rabbit said importantly, “did you steal the Queen’s tarts?”

“No,” Lina replied.

“Oh. Okay then. You may go.” The Filia rabbit gestured for Lina to leave and Zelgadis sweatdropped.

“Why didn’t she just ask that question first?” Zelgadis muttered, knocking the DorAmelia on the head to keep her from stopping the court again while they tried to answer his question.

Filia rolled out her scroll once more.

“The court calls to the stand the Knave of Hearts!” she announced. Rezo walked over to the witness chair and sat down. Since the DorAmelia was still unconscious, the Gryphiel brought him the cake platter.

“Do you swear?” she questioned.

“Yes,” replied Rezo. “Though I won’t say what I’m swearing to.”

Everyone agreed that this was a perfectly acceptable answer, so the court proceeded.

Knave-san,” the Filia rabbit said. “How do you explain the presence of this poem? Ahem.

The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,

All on a summer day:

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,

And took them quite away!'”

It’s a very nice poem,” the Knave told her.

But is it true?” prompted the rabbit.

“Maybe,” Rezo said, shrugging. “Or maybe not. I’m not very good at riddles, you know.”

“Knave-san, did you steal the tarts?” the Filia rabbit continued.

“I suppose I could’ve,” the Knave admitted.

“OFF WITH HIS HEAD!” Everyone turned to see Zelgadis standing up and pointing at the Knave. When the chimera realized that everyone was staring at him, he blushed and sat back down.

“What was that about?” the March Gourry asked him.

“Leave me alone,” Zel grumbled.

“Well, do you have any evidence?” The Filia rabbit refused to let Zel’s outburst get in the way of her court.

“I thought I had some in my pocket,” the Knave replied. “But I think it fell out during croquet. Perhaps the flamingo ate it.”

The jury paused to discuss whether or not it might be prudent to bring the flamingo in for questioning and, if they did, it might be important to know if it was a pink flamingo or a purple one. The question of why the color might be important was brought up and immediately referred to a separate committee.

While the jury was talking, the Filia rabbit let the Knave go and unrolled her scroll again.

“I call to the stand Zelgadis Graywords!”