[fic]Zelgadis-chan in Wonderland 6/8

[caffeine_buzz]

Title: Zelgadis-chan in Wonderland 6/8
Fandom: Slayers
Rating: K+
Pairings/Warnings: Crossdressing and silliness
Previous Parts: 1 2 3 4 5

By the time the guard had brought the Duchess up from her cell, the Cheshire Xellos had disappeared completely and Martina had turned her attention from him to Lina, who had scored several points while everyone else was distracted by the cat. She had the DorAmelia to vouch for her fairly won points, and since the DorAmelia found lying unjust, Martina had no choice but to award Lina her points. This put Lina in the lead, so Martina set about trying to overtake her. Zelgadis was fairly ignored as he tried to chase down his flamingo. The bird had decided that Zel was cheating on him with the Cheshire Xellos and was refusing to let the chimera touch him.

“You stupid bird!” Zelgadis spat. “Well, be that way. I don’t really care if I win or not.” He prepared to stalk off the premises when Zangulus ran into him.

“Not leaving already are you?” the King of Hearts asked. “And where’s your flamingo? Those flamingos are far too valuable for you to just lose, you know! Now, go find it before my wife decides to take your head off.”

Zelgadis rolled his eyes but resumed trying to chase the flamingo anyway. He had just caught it and begun a rather enthusiastic ringing of its neck when the Duchess bumped into him. He knew her by the ever-present cigarette and the smoke which encircled her.

“You don’t mind if I borrow this, do you?” Without waiting for a reply, the Duchess grabbed Zel’s flamingo and dealt a nearby hedgehog a blow which sent it sailing over the trees.

“You can keep it,” Zelgadis assured her, trying to walk away again. he Duchess, however, hooked an arm around his waist and stopped him.

“Walk with me for a it,” she ordered. Zel found her grip surprisingly strong, and he had no choice but to follow her across the grounds. “The cat likes you, doesn’t he?”

“C--*cough* cat?” Zelgadis asked, distracted by the difficulty of trying to breath while surrounded by a smoke ring.

“My Cheshire Xellos of course!” The Duchess took another puff on her cigarette and blew the smoke in Zel’s face.

“Oh, *cough* *cough* that. I was wondering *cough* how do you kill it?” Zelgadis hoped his tone sounded innocent enough.

“Cut off its head of course!” laughed the Duchess. “Or is that how you kill a vampire? I get those two mixed up you know. It’s the purple fur.”

Zelgadis had a scathing reply for that, but he couldn’t say it as the smoke was making it difficult to breathe, let alone talk. The flamingo had already passed out.

“It’s really a very good cat,” the Duchess went on to say. “Perfectly normal, as far as Cheshire Xelloses go. It chases the golden rabbit everyday and keeps her out of my garden. I grow tea bags, you know. Tea bags and tobacco and doggy treats for the wolves.”

Zelgadis, coughing uncontrollably, tried to pull away from her, but the Duchess held him in an unbreakable grip.

“It’s rude to walk away like that,” the Duchess admonished him. She seemed completely unaffected by the smoke she was trailing. “Little girls really need to watch that sort of thing. That reminds me, what did you do with my baby? Not that it matters of course, I can always get another one. Are you all right? You’re being awfully quiet.”

Zelgadis was, in fact, being quite loud as he continued to hack. The Duchess muttered something under her breath which Zelgadis missed, as he was too busy attempting to breathe. Finally, he gave up and collapsed to the ground. The Duchess stared at his prone form in surprise.

“My my. It’s bad manners to faint without permission.”

When Zelgadis woke up, he was relieved to have clean air filling his lungs.

“Are you all right?” asked a solicitous female voice. Zelgadis looked up to see Sylphiel staring down at him. Closer inspection showed that assumption wrong, however. The creature had Sylphiel’s face, but it’s body was that of a gryphon.

“The Duchess is really very not sorry that she made you faint,” the creature said earnestly. “The gold rabbit brought you over to me for a healing spell. I am the Gryphiel. Nice to meet you, Miss..?”

“Zelgadis, and I’m a boy!” Zel snapped, sitting up.

“That’s an awfully long name, Miss Zelgadis And I’m A Boy,” the Gryphiel said. “May I just call you Zel-chan?”

“No!” Zel growled.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m being too familiar,” the Gryphiel said, flustered. “I just thought you might like comfort from a fellow girl....um, you really shouldn’t do that.” Once more, Zelgadis was banging his head on the nearest tree.

“Um...do you need another healing spell?” the Gryphiel questioned when Zel was finished. “You don’t look too well. And--oh dear! It appears you have a rip in your dress. Just let me get my sewing kit and I’ll fix it...”

“Hands off the dress!” Zelgadis barked, and the Gryphiel backed up.

“I’m sorry,” she said contritely. “I didn’t know you were so modest.”

“I’m not modest,” Zelgadis grumbled petulantly.

“I’m sorry,” the Gryphiel said again, for lack of anything better to say. “Are...are you okay, then? You seem to be developing a twitch above one of your eyes...”

“I’m fine!” Zelgadis turned pointedly away from her.

“That’s good,” the Gryphiel said. She looked thoughtful for a moment, then asked, “Um, by any chance, did you see the March Gourry while you were playing croquet?”

“Yes,” Zel said before it could occur to him that he might have been better off staying silent.

“You did?!” The Gryphiel squealed and got to her feet. Grabbing Zel’s hand, she ran off towards where the match was being held, dragging him with her. “March Gourry- sama!”

The two rushed out onto the site of the tournament just as Lina was scoring the winning point. As the Gryphiel dropped Zel nd glomped the march Gourry, Lina struck a victory pose and stuck her tongue out at Martina.

“Ha! I win!” Lina did a little dance.

“No fair! No fair!” Martina stomped her feet and threw her flamingo to the ground. Pointing at it, she ordered, “Off with its head!”

The executioner rushed forward eagerly. Zelgadis, and everybody else, looked away while the bird was beheaded and hauled away.

“I feel much better now,” Martina proclaimed. She struck a pose. “Now, for a rematch, Lina!”

“I agree!” Zangulus said, striking a similar pose. “A rematch, March Gourry!”

The March Gourry ignored the King of Hearts, as the hare was too busy trying to pry an over-enthusiastic Gryphiel off of him. She currently had him pinned to the ground and was turning him around and around as she looked for injuries.

“Um....can I go yet?” Zelgadis ventured.

“Not yet!” the Queen of Hearts snapped. “First we must have the ceremonial Post- Game Tarts (tm) ! I cooked them myself.”

Everyone turned to the banquet table where a large silver platter stood. Reverently, the Knave of Hearts removed the lid.

There was nothing under it. Not even the table; under the lid there was only a black void.

“Those don’t look too tasty,” Lina said confidentially to the March Gourry. For her part, the Queen of Hearts looked ready to blow.

“SOMEBODY STOLE MY TARTS!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, showering Zelgadis with spit. “Off with their head! Off with their head!”

Zelgadis sighed heavily and began to wring the spit out of his dress.