[fic]The Demon within 2/2

[caffeine_buzz]

Title: The Demon Within 2/2
Fandom: Slayers
Rating: T
Pairings/Warnings: Gen? I guess? Hugging, since I had reviewers who apparently think hug=pairing. (hint: it doesn't.)
Previos Part: 1
Notes: This is an old fic, but I like it. Still, not great so...be warned for general mediocrity. Also, there are no pairings in this fic, really. None.

About an hour later, Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis all sat in Lina’s room at the inn. Lina and Amelia had managed to fix Zel’s injured shoulder, but they hadn’t been able to heal the broken fingers, so Zel wore bandages over his right hand. He related to the others how he had been captured by Gadis and what the demon had said to him.

“I can’t kill Gadis,” Zel stated. “It is me, or at least it was.” He shuddered. “It is everything I hated about myself.”

“Can’t we just kill it?” Lina questioned. “The Sword of Light can probably cut through its skin.”

“Yes....” Zel shifted uncomfortably. He hadn’t mentioned the part about how killing the creature would kill himself as well. Gadis had to die, and Zel knew that, if he told his friends the truth, they wouldn’t be able to kill it.

“Zel? What’s wrong?” Lina’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “What aren’t you telling us?”

“I’m telling you everything,” Zel said, a tad too defensively. He shrunk back into the chair. “It’s just that....well, I’m a little frightened of the creature. The problem is, I know Gadis. When Rezo first changed me, the first thing I heard was the voice of the demon and the golem in my head, trying to overcome me. Rezo placed them under a seal, so that I would be in control of the body.” He smiled bitterly. “He knew that I might not be especially loyal to him after what he did, but I’d be more obedient than the demon or golem. They couldn’t directly control my body, and I couldn’t really hear them speaking to me. Their voices were rather like a hum in the back of my mind. Sometimes I would hear them in my nightmares, calling to me....” He shuddered.

“Oh, Mr. Zelgadis, how awful!” Amelia squealed, and threw her arms around his neck. Zel sighed and shook his head. Or at least he tried to shake his head, but Amelia’s grip was a little too tight for him to accomplish the movement.

“Hmm. We need to think of a way to trap this thing so we can kill it,” Lina stated.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Zelgadis,” Amelia said. ”You don’t need to fear this monster. For I, Amelia Wil Tesla de Seyruun, will defeat it in the name of justice! For monsters and demons stand for all that is impure and unjust in this world. With a heart filled with righteous fury and a love for all things just, I will--”

Zelgadis stopped listening as Amelia prattled on about justice. His mind was far away, considering the implications of the coming battle.

If Gadis dies, he thought darkly, I will die as well. I don’t want to die, not now... not now that I’ve finally found a cure. But at such great cost....If I let Gadis live, it will shadow my days and stalk my nights. It won’t kill me because it can’t, but it can bring me as close to death as it wishes. I tricked it once, but that won’t work again. It can follow me anywhere I go.

His gaze traveled to Lina, who had finally interrupted Amelia and was currently outlining her plan to trap and kill Gadis. Zel listened with half an ear, his mind still preoccupied by dark musings.

And them....three of only a very small group of people who I could consider my friends. There were times when I was with them that I almost forgot my freakish face. Times when I felt almost like a human again. If Gadis is not stopped, it will kill them. Just as it hates me, it hates all that I care for. It will hunt them down, one by one, and destroy them before my eyes. And they won’t fight it, because its death would be mine.

He closed his eyes as horrific visions played themselves over and over in his mind. He imagined Gadis standing before the corpses of all his friends, laughing triumphantly, while Zelgadis himself watched and screamed. He shuddered. He couldn’t let that happen.

I won’t tell them. I can’t tell them. It’s already my fault that Gadis killed the butcher. I won’t be responsible for their deaths as well. We will fight Gadis. And I will see him dead...just before I die too. Zelgadis gave a slight nod. His mind was made up. As Lina finished her plans for killing the monster, he stood, dumping Amelia onto the floor. She squeaked in surprise, and Lina and Gourry regarded Zel curiously.

“Where are you going? We need you to force out Gadis,” Lina said.

“Give me a few minutes,” Zel told her. “I....need some time alone.” With that, he left, going into his own room and locking the door behind him.

Zelgadis pulled a chair over by the window and stared out at the city before him. The whole world beckoned to him, daring him to come out and live life. To revel in the humanity that had been denied him for so long.

“Dammit!” Bitterly, Zel looked away. “I’m so close! I have what I wanted ....my cure. I’m human again. Why does it have to come with strings attached? It’s not fair!” He sighed, lowering his head into his hands. “Have I been cursed since birth, that everything I want must come with a price? All I wanted was to be strong. So Rezo made me a monster. Then I wanted to become human again. And in doing so, I’ve released a monster. What did I do to deserve this kind of life? For me, nothing comes cheap. I can’t even enjoy a few days as a human....” A lone tear escaped his eye. Zelgadis stared at in strange fascination. “Blast it all....I’ve even missed being able to cry. Demons don’t need to cry, so I couldn’t. But now...I want to live. I want to be able to feel the sensation of earth under my feet, wind in my hair, water over my fingertips. I want to cry. I want the chance to fall in love. I don’t want to die for a demon. I could leave now, run as far away as I can, and they’d never know. I could change my name, erase all memory of Zelgadis Graywords. But I won’t...because even all I’ve gained isn’t worth what I’d have to give up. I want to live...but I also want to be able to look my friends in the eye.”

That decided, he rose, slowly, savoring every minute of life he had left. Zelgadis stared out one last time at the city, then turned to the mirror. His own face stared back at him. He studied it for a few moments. He had almost forgotten how he had been before the change. He wasn’t that bad-looking now. Certainly not the freakish monster that he had once been.

Finally, he looked away, striding across the room to the door. He exited the room and walked down the stairs to the dining room, where he quickly spotted Lina, Amelia, and Gourry. They were easy to find--all he had to do was look for the table with the most food on it and listen for the sound of rapid-fire chewing. He carefully strode over to where his friends were eating. Or inhaling, in the cases of Lina and Gourry.

“What took you so long, Zel?” Lina asked, even as she stuffed a whole chicken in her mouth. “We figured we might get in one last meal before we go off to fight.”

“Last meal,” Zelgadis repeated in odd tones. Lina glanced up sharply at him, but his face was as cool and impassive as it had been when he was still cursed. He sat down and waited until the others had finished eating, his expression betraying none of his thoughts.

Lina and Gourry finished off the last of the food in record time. Lina sighed in contentment, patting her stomach, then stood.

“Okay! Let’s go kill this demon. Then maybe the innkeeper will give us more free food!” Lina led the group out of the inn towards the forest, where they could implement her plan without any people getting in the way.

The group stopped in a large clearing surrounded by thick bushes. Lina surveyed the area, then nodded in satisfaction.

“Perfect! Okay, Zel, you stand in the middle there. When Gadis comes to kill you, Amelia and I will hit it with a bunch of spells to distract it. Gourry, when I say ‘now,’ I want you to get out the Sword of Light and kill the monster. Understand?” Lina turned to the swordsman.

“Uh...understand what?” There was a brief five minute break while Lina literally pounded the instructions into Gourry’s head. When she was done, she gave her cape a quick dusting off, then went to hide in the bushes, with Gourry limping after. Amelia gave Zelgadis one last hug (much to Zel’s dismay) then followed them.

“This is pointless,” Zelgadis muttered, crossing his arms. “It won’t be stupid enough to fall for a trick as obvious as this.”

“But that’s why we like it.” Zel jumped as Gadis emerged from behind him. “We wanted all your friends in one place, and now we have them. You’ve been quite helpful to us, Zelgadis.”

“Charmed.” Zel reached down for his sword, belatedly remembering that he had yet to get a new one. Not that it mattered. He gave the monster a smug smile. “Your overconfidence will be your undoing, creature. They’ll kill you.”

“But they won’t kill you,” Gadis stated. “And therein lies our salvation.”

“You misjudge me,” Zelgadis said. “I came here with one intention only: to die.” His eyes narrowed and he glanced towards the bushes. Gadis smiled as well, seemingly unconcerned about this pronouncement.

“Fireball!”

“Burst Rondo!”

The two spells flew at Gadis, one from either side. The fireball struck first, hitting Gadis in the side. It groaned, even as Zel cried out in pain and clutched his side. The monster gave a feral smile as small bolts of magic hit its other side, seemingly feeling no pain. Zelgadis, on the other hand, fell to his knees, pale and trembling with pain.

“You are us,” hissed Gadis. “Our pain is yours, and yours is ours. But we enjoy the pain. You, on the other hand, cannot stand it.”

“Mr. Zelgadis!” Amelia jumped out of the bushes. “What’s wrong?”

“Amelia...” Zel said through clenched teeth. “Ignore me! Just kill Gadis!”

“Yes, Amelia,” Gadis said, his voice a feral echo of Zel’s own. “Kill us. And kill him, as well. For what he has not told you is that, in our death, Zelgadis too will die. So go on. Kill us, and kill your friend.”

Amelia, who had been about to cast a spell, hesitated.

“Mr. Zelgadis?” She stared at him in shock.

“It doesn’t matter!” Zel yelled at her. “Just kill it!”

“Zelgadis, is this true?” Lina came out of her hiding place as well.

“Yes, damn it! I don’t care!” Zelgadis drew a shuddering breath. “Please, Lina. I prepared for this. I’m ready to die. That....creature...has to be stopped. This is the only way.”

“But--we can’t!” Amelia turned to Lina, her face stricken.

“Gourry,” Lina said tensely as the swordsman exited the bushes. “Lower your sword.”

“You fools!” Zelgadis cried hoarsely. “Don’t listen to her, Gourry! Kill it!”

“But Mr. Zelgadis, you can’t--” Amelia whimpered.

“You have to!” Zel slammed a fist at the ground in frustration.

“It is as we said.” Gadis smiled gloatingly. “They won’t kill you. Those fools won’t kill you.”

Zelgadis stared at the ground below him, tears of frustration running down his face.

“We’ll kill them, you know,” Gadis continued. “We’ll kill them one by one, before your eyes. It will be fun making that bouncy brunette lose her perk. And making that swordsman’s blonde hair go red with blood. And then there’s that fiery little red- head....breaking her will be a true challenge. And we’ll let you watch it all. Watch it all until you scream and beg for mercy, not for yourself, but for them.”

“Damn...” Zel bit his lip so hard it bled. His fingers dug into the dirt; his bandaged hand was stained with mud. He couldn’t find the strength to look at the monster, nor to warn his friends to run away.

I have to stop this, he thought desperately. But how? I have no weapon...I don’t have the strength to beat it with magic. I can’t kill it. I can’t even fight it, it knows my every move. I’m weak, worthless...

Suddenly, the monster’s words floated back to him. You never had the strength to embrace that dark part of yourself.

Zelgadis’s eyes widened in understanding. Of course! he thought. The one thing the creature won’t expect. The one thing it won’t have any defense ready for.... because it knows that I would prefer death to this alternative. But I already consider my life forfeit. I have only one thing left to lose. He closed his eyes, a bitter smile playing about his lips. Only one thing left to lose, indeed.

Zelgadis rose on shaking legs and stepped towards Gadis. The monster regarded him with amusement, and perhaps something more. For in those red eyes, Zelgadis could have sworn he saw a flicker of fear.

“What are you doing, little human?” Gadis taunted. “You know that nothing you have can kill us.”

“I’m not trying to kill you,” Zelgadis breathed. He smiled ruefully. “I wish I was.”

“Zel, what do you think you’re doing?!” Lina yelled at him. She took a step towards him.

“Stay back!” Zelgadis ordered sharply. “I know what I’m doing!”

Slowly, the human approached Gadis. The monster stared at him in open confusion. As he got close, Zel looked up into the creature’s crimson eyes and smiled. In that moment, Gadis understood his intent and took a step back as if to flee. But something in Zelgadis’s eyes held it rooted to the spot.

“You won’t....” The disbelief was evident in Gadis’s voice. “You couldn’t! We know you, you would never...”

“You underestimate me again,” Zel stated grimly. “You forgot that there are things I hold at higher value than even my cure....though I may never let it show.”

With that, Zelgadis lunged forward. Almost instinctively, Gadis started to raise its claws, as if to block an attack. But Zel wasn’t attacking. Face twisting in disgust, he embraced the monster roughly. The palms of his hands were impaled by the creature’s back spikes and blood flowed down, but Zel didn’t let go. The dried black blood on his clothes began to glow.

“Zelgadis!” As the world swirled around him, a haze of bright colors and pain, Zelgadis heard Lina call to him. He closed his eyes and shut out the sound, never loosing his hold on Gadis.

“You fool! You’d give up your humanity for them?” Gadis roared in frustration as its body began to merge with Zelgadis’s.

“If I don’t, then what is my humanity worth?” Zel spat. His hands seemed to sink into the monsters back, skin fusing with stone. His arms followed, and then the rest of him. He looked up once into Gadis’s eyes as their faces merged, and gave a sorrowful smile. A lone tear flowed down his cheek as the clearing was obscured by a bright yellow light.

Lina, Amelia, and Gourry shielded their eyes as the blinding light shone even brighter. The wind howled and whipped around their feet, causing Lina’s and Amelia’s capes to flap madly. Everything seemed to be held in stasis for a moment, then the light disappeared and the wind died down. The three opened their eyes.

A lone figure knelt in the center of the clearing. Zelgadis, a chimera once more, looked fixedly at the ground, breathing heavily. He held up his hands, staring at the stone skin that now covered them. In the center of each palm was a strange red scar marking the points where his human flesh had been impaled by Gadis’s spikes. Almost reverently, he wiped away the tear still lingering on his cheek.

“As always, you underestimated me, Gadis,” he breathed. “I’m stronger than you know.”

“Mr. Zelgadis?” Amelia moved towards him.

“Wait!” warned Lina. “How do we know it’s still Zel?”

“Lina? Don’t you know me?” Zel asked in exaggeratingly innocent tones. He managed a bitter smile. “I found my cure. And now I’ve lost it again.” He closed his eyes. “Looks like I have some more searching to do.”

“Don’t be sad, Mr. Zelgadis!” Amelia hugged him, and this time he didn’t try to pry her off. “We’ll help find your cure, don’t worry!”

“He has to worry, Amelia,” Lina said. “Or else he wouldn’t be our Zel.”

Zelgadis glanced up at her, his eyes uncertain.

“Lina,” he said in subdued tones. “I--I’m sorry for not--”

“Forget about it.” Lina waved his apology away and offered him a hand up. “Come on. Why don’t we go back to the inn and have a victory dinner?”

Zelgadis looked at her in surprise, his gaze traveling from her to Gourry to Amelia and back again.

This is what I gave up my humanity for, he thought tiredly. For them. And...I think what I gave up may well be worth what I’ve gained.

“All right,” he acquiesced, taking her hand. “Let’s go.”